The Moth Chronicle

Finally, the chilly and cloudy days are slowly becoming a daily thing. For an island so haunted by impermanence, summer really likes to stick along. I am reminded once again, like every year, how much of a physical thing a change in seasons is. Just by noticing my own behaviour and feelings, it’s like a total paradigm shift. Or it could be just that summer being so hot and humid and unrelenting just suppresses all forms of enjoyment until the temperature drops to the point where my brain can actually operate. In any case, this summer felt particularly long and I am more than glad to finally be in my comfort zone.

And besides this shift in seasons it feels like a more overarching shift is coming along, some change that is in the air, overdue, or simply in the right place at the right time. New opportunities, new people, and freshly offered chances to do things that I had in mind earlier in the year or in the further past. Funny how much of that can show itself in such a relatively short time, or again it is just me getting in the frame of mind to accept these shifts that I otherwise would dismiss.

Currently eyeing a career change, a shift in the way I spend my free time by engaging in reading and writing more, and even having an eye on a person with whom I could have something promising going on. Some of this has been long in the making, but it is a rewarding thing to be able to be in a state of mind where you can really look at the present with pride and excitement. To be able to nod to yourself saying something like “everything is going okay,” other than the more standard “what if?”

On the point of The Moth Chronicle, I have tried in vain to stick to my promise to myself, and a handful of people who even know of this website’s existence, to add regular snippets of what is happening in my life, kind of like a journal to anyone and no one, or just those who are curious enough to read. Turns out that even if you set very reachable and low barrier of entry tasks, you still need to have the will/focus/energy to actually do it, even if it would only take up 10 minutes of your day. And I have realised very early on in my life that none of the “tried and true” focus methods work for me. Can’t deal with to-do lists because the act of making a to-do list requires the same mental fortitude as actually just doing the thing right there and then. Timers, focus regimes, or whatever else in that vein, does nothing to help. The only thing that gets me to do something is to wait for my brain to enter the “I wanna do this now” kind of mode and then it’s all as low effort as it gets no matter the initial difficulty. I have considered seeking out ADHD medication again (which I have tried once with solid results) but at the same time I have this weird relationship with psychiatric drugs where I feel strange taking something that affects me mentally unless I really couldn’t function without it. And I think I can function without it, despite all the quirks there is something spiritually stubborn in the act of sticking to what you got and what you are made out to be. It is also one of my Balkan traits - my dad is the same but with physical ailments as well, I don’t think I remember one time that he went to the doctor unless he had an accident of some sort. And if it's not just stubborness, it's a genuine belief that grows in me that says it feels wrong to medicate for these kinds of traits. At some point we are multifaceted characters, and the thought that everything needs to be categorised, tweaked, prodded, until all is perfect and in order is getting tiring. I wanna work with (or around) what I got, in a way.

So right now clearly I am in that writing / talkative / introspective mode. And the seasons change with all the upcoming holiday and festive vibes will only help, I imagine. Currently it is supposed to be Halloween, but in my place I did an accidental jump forward. Recently I got a set of string lights that ended up being way longer than I thought, that I unwrapped and ran across the whole room. Imagining a nice, warm, autumnal glow, I turned it on to get hit with an instant blast of Christmas cheer, and now I am only waiting til November 1st, which is the earliest socially acceptable time to play Christmas music, and it will be a jolly time.

I have written this in my notepad sometime around the beginning of summer, but now that it is the final quarter of the year, it really seems like this is a great year, and that still there is time for more amazing days. And the tide of the season and new opportunities might bring a whole advent calendar of little gifts as the days count down to 2026. But in any case I am quite happy and content about everything. Really glad about all I have managed to achieve and thankful for all the people in my life. And I will ride that wave for as long as it goes.